30 in 3 months: Post #1
I'm turning 30 in 3 months and I'm trying to stop time so I can be 29 forever--but really, I think i'm trying to stop time because I have this instilled societal expectation that I should have done way more by the time I'm 30 and too be honest, I have done a lot already, I just can't seem to actualize it. And here I am, stuck, doubting myself and wishing I could have done more.
3 months til i'm 30.
There is an expectation that we are suppose to put our career on hold, get married, buy a house and put babies inside it (and find a man that is just as good as your own father and has a good career, good family and in my case, Jewish).
Commitment issues, yes. Scared, yes. Overwhelmed by the future, yes. Indecisive, yes. And I blame history and society and the outdated list of must do's crafted by our parents and their parents and their traditions and what society expected of them then for my crisis and desire to stop time.
It is so hard to remind ourselves that it's okay we aren't doing the same thing or following the same code as our parents--even as I type this I get a ping of anxiety.
And it's my own fault. I want to do a lot. Change a lot and achieve a million things. Go back to school (likely law school--a career that I think i'll be happy with or is it because of pressure? Ah), travel, make money, keep good friends and make new ones, dance the night away, stay up til 3 am and be good for the next days adventure...but there are so many things competing against me...
and that's me.
3 months til i'm 30.
There is an expectation that we are suppose to put our career on hold, get married, buy a house and put babies inside it (and find a man that is just as good as your own father and has a good career, good family and in my case, Jewish).
Commitment issues, yes. Scared, yes. Overwhelmed by the future, yes. Indecisive, yes. And I blame history and society and the outdated list of must do's crafted by our parents and their parents and their traditions and what society expected of them then for my crisis and desire to stop time.
It is so hard to remind ourselves that it's okay we aren't doing the same thing or following the same code as our parents--even as I type this I get a ping of anxiety.
And it's my own fault. I want to do a lot. Change a lot and achieve a million things. Go back to school (likely law school--a career that I think i'll be happy with or is it because of pressure? Ah), travel, make money, keep good friends and make new ones, dance the night away, stay up til 3 am and be good for the next days adventure...but there are so many things competing against me...
and that's me.
posted by Elise Kayfetz @ 10:42 AM
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